Is it a bad thing that I almost always start these posts off talking about the weather? Huh.
But it has been warm. I have been in a weird mood, where I think about how I'm happier alone when I'm alone, but then I think I'm happier with people when I'm with people. But then sometimes I'm lonely when alone, and crowded when in public. It's always got to be one of those four things. It's like from Night Vale when Carlos comments that Cecil is always talking or not talking. There isn't a third option. Here is an excerpt from my journal from yesterday.
"...I was waiting to be picked up from rehearsal inside the school. It was warm outside and I knew it still was even though it was dark. It was just warm and dark. I stepped outside, making sure no one was out there and then just began to walk, thinking I was so cool, so independent. Along the sidewalk, on the grass, occasionally out into the dangerous and empty parking lot. It reminded me of spending time with Nadia and Morgan when we ran around the streets by her house on skateboards and our own feet. It was dark with only a few street lamps and though I didn't say anything about it, I knew it would be one of those weird memories that sticks better than the others. It was like that tonight, but I was alone. I thought about that, how even though I love people (A regular social butterfly HA) I was okay with it. That was a first. Another sticky memory. Is that why they are sticky? Moments that are so good looking, feeling, sounding, that are just so okay in the best way- those are the ones that stick. I've just become hyper-aware of them. I think that's just because I'm 15 though."
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