For A Christmas Carol Amazon and I have been going to set-building sessions out in the middle of nowhere Michigan. Our high school has it's own special location where we do all of our work, and we've been regularly meeting there since we don't have a set crew yet.
It was later in the evening, around 7:45 (already dark out), and we had the big garage-like door up. Music, probably pop music, but it seemed much more sincere than usual, was playing, and it all smelled like wood dust and paint. I was working on a board (we're making 1950s dance floors for a fundraiser) by myself, and had only my thoughts to distract me. It was one of those eternal moments, the really plain ones that just stick. The ones where you don't really know why they stay with you, but they do. Like sitting in the snow when you were 9, staring up at the gray sky. Like opening a birthday present from your grandma when you were 5. Like the bus ride back from the Amusement Park choir trip, when you first felt like a teenager, when your favorite song was playing loudly enough that you could actually feel it.
I was thinking about what's going to define life. I haven't been old, or (I don't think) close to death. I haven't really thought was my life was made up of. I've heard stuff from other people; it's made up of your accomplishments, it's made up of your regrets; the things you never did. It's made up of the people you know, or the things you make. I don't know. I guess this is oversimplified and a bit pretentious, but isn't life just made up of life? I think the whole point of it is that it's some weird tasting blend of everything. It's not just achievement; it's not just sorrow. Maybe it's what you choose to focus on. When I'm a cute old person (the only thing I want to be) I don't want to exclude any moment; I don't want to focus on the crappy stuff that happened in Illinois, I don't want to dwell on the best friends I lost in high school, I don't want to focus on how awesome I was when I wrote my first book (in the distant (?) future) I want it to be this life smoothie that I can enjoy, but it also tastes super strange; I can't tell if I like it, but I keep drinking it. Or something like that.
anyway.
We finished The Crucible in English class. I really enjoyed it, actually; a lot of people who I know didn't. Bits of conversation about it;
G; I guess I didn't like it because of the teacher; the book itself was fine. I wasn't super interested in it, but my teacher forced the interest in it.
J; There is just so much evil in it. It's hard for me to read something that has that much evil put into it.
Me; But, where would we be in a story if there wasn't conflict? Wouldn't it be boring if nothing happened and everything was awesome?
J: Well, no, I suppose. But still, just too much evil.
(I wasn't really a fan of that convo)
Me; My teacher had us listen to the song 'The Cave' by Mumford and Sons and compare it to The Crucible. It totally blew my mind.
A; Why would she ruin a good song like that?
A.H; What do you mean ruin?
Me; You didn't like it?
A; No, it just seemed like the point of the whole story was disappointing. In the end, even if you're the good guy, like Proctor, you're still not going to 'win'. You die in the end.
Me; Hm. Well, I liked it.
I'm in my math class right now. 'Party in the USA' by Miley Cyrus just came on. This song reminds me of Bean; when she was 2 or so, this was her favorite song. She would giggle and try to sing along and dance. I think about Bean more these days. Amazon and I have been in a bit of a fight- not really fighting, but mainly not getting along. I want to hang out all the time, she wants anything but. So? I've been hanging with Bean more. It's great; I'm kind of surprised by how smart she is; she can just figure things out. She is seven. She is fun to hang out with. I wonder if she has eternal moments.
Hope the eternity is comfortable, readers.
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