THIS IS
HALLOWEEN
THIS IS

HALLOWEEN


HALLOWEEN

HALLOWEEN

HALLOWEEN
HALLOWEEN

Yes. It is. The most wonderful time of year. I have premiered my third costume of the season; my first was Elpheba; Katherine was Glinda, the second was Tyler Joseph; Amazon was Josh Dun, the third (today's) was a skin'n'bones/skeleton war recruit.

I got the half a skull's head bandanna at Goodwill; they had skull bandannas in bulk for some reason. My teachers keep telling me I look like a thief/terrorist. Great. I'm probably going to go trick-or-treating with Bean tonight. The past few Halloweens in town have been seriously cold or rainy, so this one should be the first 'official' Halloween of the year. I'm excited. Our family has been 'running low' on candy/sweets in the house; we need to stock up. It's a good problem to have.
I am grateful for costumes. I'm grateful for candy. I'm grateful for crunchy leaves, and that smell in the air, and my winter/fall clothes. It truly is the best time of year.
Be safe if you want, readers. Happy Halloween.

Eternal Moments and Beans

I sat by another 'new' person at lunch today. She's not really new, I've sat by her before. She's pretty amazing- I love spending time with her. We had a good discussion on sitting in bathrooms, sibling nicknames, and Hamilton. Valuable things to talk about with a senior.
For A Christmas Carol Amazon and I have been going to set-building sessions out in the middle of nowhere  Michigan. Our high school has it's own special location where we do all of our work, and we've been regularly meeting there since we don't have a set crew yet.
 It was later in the evening, around 7:45 (already dark out), and we had the big garage-like door up. Music, probably pop music, but it seemed much more sincere than usual, was playing, and it all smelled like wood dust and paint. I was working on a board (we're making 1950s dance floors for a fundraiser) by myself, and had only my thoughts to distract me. It was one of those eternal moments, the really plain ones that just stick.  The ones where you don't really know why they stay with you, but they do. Like sitting in the snow when you were 9, staring up at the gray sky. Like opening a birthday present from your grandma when you were 5. Like the bus ride back from the Amusement Park choir trip, when you first felt like a teenager, when your favorite song was playing loudly enough that you could actually feel it.
I was thinking about what's going to define life. I haven't been old, or (I don't think) close to death. I haven't really thought was my life was made up of. I've heard stuff from other people; it's made up of your accomplishments, it's made up of your regrets; the things you never did. It's made up of the people you know, or the things you make. I don't know. I guess this is oversimplified and a bit pretentious, but isn't life just made up of life? I think the whole point of it is that it's some weird tasting blend of everything. It's not just achievement; it's not just sorrow. Maybe it's what you choose to focus on. When I'm a cute old person (the only thing I want to be) I don't want to exclude any moment; I don't want to focus on the crappy stuff that happened in Illinois, I don't want to dwell on the best friends I lost in high school, I don't want to focus on how awesome I was when I wrote my first book (in the distant (?) future) I want it to be this life smoothie that I can enjoy, but it also tastes super strange; I can't tell if I like it, but I keep drinking it. Or something like that.

anyway.
We finished The Crucible in English class. I really enjoyed it, actually; a lot of people who I know didn't. Bits of conversation about it;
G; I guess I didn't like it because of the teacher; the book itself was fine. I wasn't super interested in it, but my teacher forced the interest in it.
J; There is just so much evil in it. It's hard for me to read something that has that much evil put into it.
Me; But, where would we be in a story if there wasn't conflict? Wouldn't it be boring if nothing happened and everything was awesome?
J: Well, no, I suppose. But still, just too much evil.
(I wasn't really a fan of that convo)
Me; My teacher had us listen to the song 'The Cave' by Mumford and Sons and compare it to The Crucible. It totally blew my mind.
A; Why would she ruin a good song like that?
A.H; What do you mean ruin?
Me; You didn't like it?
A; No, it just seemed like the point of the whole story was disappointing. In the end, even if you're the good guy, like Proctor, you're still not going to 'win'. You die in the end.
Me; Hm. Well, I liked it.
I'm in my math class right now. 'Party in the USA' by Miley Cyrus just came on. This song reminds me of Bean; when she was 2 or so, this was her favorite song. She would giggle and try to sing along and dance. I think about Bean more these days. Amazon and I have been in a bit of a fight- not really fighting, but mainly not getting along. I want to hang out all the time, she wants anything but. So? I've been hanging with Bean more. It's great; I'm kind of surprised by how smart she is; she can just figure things out. She is seven. She is fun to hang out with. I wonder if she has eternal moments.
Hope the eternity is comfortable, readers.

Today is the big game between the two rival high schools in town. It's actually pretty intense; it makes for a good day. This morning, in band class, we practiced for the game tonight. In second hour, we marched the hallways (a gameday tradition), during 6th hour there is an assembly (that the band is playing in), and then the game tonight with the combined high school bands. It is a very band-ish day. I'm really not complaining.
I've been eating lunch with another new group. I already kind of know them- I'm really good friends with one of the group. I was struck today, when sitting with them, by how smart they all are. They're intelligent, but they can have a good time, and invite others to have a good time with them. It's not an exclusive kind of smart- I don't consider that 'smart' I consider it 'too cool for school'. Amazon's friends can sometimes be like that; our senses of humor aren't the same, so I always feel dumb around them. If it had been my group of people up against one of them, would they feel dumb? Anyway.
It was a realization. There are people who are somewhat like me; who are somewhat like the friends I had. I don't want to put these people on a pedestal or anything, they're not perfect, but they are so close, it surprised me. I want to pursue it. I want to be their friend, but I'm worried I'll make it weird.
The girl that I already knew, I have had weird experiences with her in the past. When I first met her, I didn't like her. I resented her for 'stealing' one of my friends (they were best friends before I moved there) She didn't like me, I didn't like her. I don't really know what happened. She became a little less abrasive, I became less judgmental. The friend we 'fought over' moved. For a while it was just  a stagnant sort of relationship, but we've grown a lot closer. I'm really grateful for that.
Anyway.
Lists.
Things to get hyped about

1. The game tonight.
2. The skeleton war (I've been recruited, guys)
3. HALLOWEEN
4. Season 2 of Stranger Things (eventually...)

Things to fear

1. The game tonight
2. The skeleton war
3. Season 2 of Stranger Things
4. Elections

Songs of the Day

1. Welcome to the Black Parade- My Chemical Romance- Where has this song been my whole marching band life?
2. Welcome to your life- Grouplove- It's funny because they are both welcoming. Also the intro to this song
3. Truce- twenty one pilots- THIS SONG MADE ME CRY. I was doing dishes, I was staying home sick, and I started crying in the middle of the kitchen because it's so beautiful. I imagine it as a background song to a moment in life where you've been sitting on the floor of your bedroom and kitchen, you've been going through crap, but you've been sitting there so long that you see the sun rise even though it has been dark for so freaking long. UGH. 

Doodle doodle Gotham Academy Noodles

Inktober

I used different colored pens for this, so it still counts as 'Inktober'. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, guys. The play/church/homework has made me pretty busy.
The play is going pretty well. I have been told that I need to do a cockney accent. Don't know what that is? Go watch My Fair Lady. Now come back. That's what I need to do. Or at least try to do. I've been working on it, and I think I will debut it tonight at rehearsal. It's really awful and really cringe-y, so wish me luck.
Some kid told Amazon the other day that she was 'The pretty sister'. She told me about this today, and we laughed about it a bit. What I was wondering about is what makes 'pretty ' these days. Is it because I don't make a super conscious choice to put effort into how I look? I often wear hoodies, converse, inside-out t-shirts (not on purpose, that just sort of happens with my laundry a lot) , and messy hair.  I don't usually wear makeup. I'm not trying to say that this is the way to go; I like makeup, I like fashion, and I don't think that being super girly or super tomboyish is bad. I just sort of wonder about my tomboy-ish-ness sometimes.
When I first began growing out my hair again, I was really regretting it. I wanted my short hair really badly, and I was telling a friend about it.
M; I want to cut my hair short again, I'm not used to this!
D; No, don't, I want to see your long hair again!
M; Ugh, it was so gross back then! I want to try, but... ugh.
D; I don't know, I liked it. It was really straight, and really feminine. It might give you a bit more of an advantage.
M: Advantage where?
D:... I don't really know. Never mind.
I knew what they meant. I'm almost 16. There isn't a huge amount of pressure, but I'm still sort of expected to start dating and what not. I am interested, I'm excited to date, but do I have less advantage because I'm more tomboyish? What advantage? The advantage of having guys like me? 
I guess I can't really believe that guys are that shallow. Maybe they are, I don't know, I'm not a 16 year old boy.
I think there is a lot of shaming for both being overly feminine, and being less so. If you are stereo-typically 'girly', and you like lots of glitter, and pink, and dresses, and makeup, etc. you are seen as shallow, high-maintenance, and prissy. If you are more of a tomboy, and prefer t-shirts, jeans, hoodies, etc, then you are seen as butch, lazy, and trying to hard to be 'one of the boys'.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that neither has (or should have) more advantage over the other. We are girls. We like what we like. Everyone else can deal.
Maybe Amazon's new nickname can be 'the pretty one'.
(I'm going to keep teasing her about it, since she was the one in basketball shorts and tight ponytails till she was in 6th grade)
Take advantage of the day, readers.

Settle Down

I sat by some new people today at lunch. Lunch really has been the all consuming topic on my mind lately; where I will sit, who I should sit by, if I should sit by anyone, etc. I sat alone yesterday, and it was alright, but. It was still weird.
I never really understood those people that I knew who were content to not have many friends at school because they
1. Like to be alone, or
2. Had friends elsewhere.
I thought "you spend most of your time at school, don't you want to put effort into knowing people there?"
I have since changed my thinking pattern.
Maybe I'm becoming less social as I get older. Every day I seem to take more pleasure in being alone, or only being with certain, specific, special people; but even then I end the social interaction feeling drained. It's not that I feel like I hate people, or have a grudge against how dumb everybody is (literally the plot of every YA novel about 'alternative' girls) I just don't want to put energy into it. Maybe that's a bad thing. I can't tell.
Maybe I'm just getting older; I was thinking about this this morning; I'm turning 16 in December. 16, supposedly, is a pretty important age. A lot centers around being sixteen. Licenses, dating, aging up from early-teen to young-adult. Figuring out who you are going to be for pretty much the rest of your life. Very important stuff (can you see my eye roll from wherever you are?)
It is important, I'm just too angsty and 'alternative' to acknowledge it. I'm thinking about it a lot, but again, the angst and alternative-ness is getting in the way. I think that this version of me is just what I'm settling into, and 16 will finalize it. Settling into in a good way, I hope. Sometimes settling is not a good thing. I guess I'll just see.

Agh, don't even ask. It's 'modern art'

I'm in a much better mood then what I sound like. It's not super cold out, we have a game (band) tonight, and I don't have much homework. It's not a bad day.
So.
Anyway.
Have a week that settles within  you or that you settle into in a good week, I guess.

Red is life

Red is life by bookworm623 featuring a rollerball pen

Hollister Co. high-waisted skinny jeans
hollisterco.com

Khaki skinny jeans
hm.com

Over knee socks
icing.com

Vans red sneaker
6pm.com

Fjällräven zipper bag
$105 - luisaviaroma.com

White hat
inuinu.com

Agnès b mens cotton shirt
agnesb.us

Rollerball pen
cymax.com

Happy Bills

I've already kind of drawn this picture, I know. I draw Bill all the time, I know. This doesn't look my normal media, I know.
Since we have chromebooks at school, I can waste my time at lunch and draw on sketch apps instead of socializing, so I have taken full advantage of that opportunity. I don't really have any of my close friends at my lunch anymore, with all of the schedule switching, so I've been awkwardly hanging around Amazon's group of friends. They seem really nice, but... I'm still not really one of them, you know? Sometimes I really do just want to sit by myself and draw or read, but I know a lot of people, and I don't want to give the message "I'd rather sit alone than sit by you."
Maybe I should worry less about how people will react to my actions. Just do things, and then if there is a noticeable problem, then deal with it. Essentially just telling myself to only worry about visible problems.
That sounds good in theory, but I doubt I could ever not worry about what could happen. What else would I think about? I'd get bored.
By the way, I have this idea for a short zine series I want to make. I came up with the idea during General Conference because there were a lot of talks about joy, and how people are meant to be happy, even if it's hard to be. I started thinking about the sad girls trend. It's popular to be unhappy- if you are happy, then you are thought of as naive and oblivious. It's trendy to be gloomy,moody, whatever else teenage girls are 'supposed to be'. Not all girls are sad and broken, and that's okay. Sometimes we are sad and broken, but we will be okay. Some are sad and broken, but they're trying to be okay.
I want to call it simply 'Happy Girls', and talk about ways that we can feel happy, what makes us happy, other happy people, and how we can feel joy even when it seems impossible. I want to try to take apart the trend that says all teenage girls should be sullen and miserable. Sure we are sometimes, but it's not a requirement for being a girl. I don't want to ignore or demean people who aren't okay, I want to encourage people to try to be so. We can be happy, despite.
Anyway, I really want to invite a lot of people to work on it; close friends, family, and you guys! If you have something you would like to contribute; an art piece, a playlist, a list, a diary entry, a column, a how-to, a thought, WHATEVER. If it defines happiness to you, or your experiences with looking for it, then I want it. I want it. Email it to me, scan it, hand it to me (if you know me) and I will 99% probability put it in. I will post the pages here to the blog, and potentially Pinterest (I also may print it out. Who knows?)
Hope to hear from you guys.
Have a happy week.

Inktober 2: Spooky Scary Skeletons

I know that everyone has done the skulls with flowers thing, but I thought it would suit the creepy Halloween vibe I'm feeling. I am so so so pumped for Halloween; you cannot even begin to believe. It's an opportunity to wear those weird clothes/makeup in the back of your closet. It's a reason to put gothic orange/black decorations everywhere. It's an excuse to get free candy (Yes, I still trick or treat- though I may or may not this year with the whole clown thing...). Halloween (and girls camp) is the best time of year.
Have a spooky week, friends.

Inktober #1

Hey! I decided to do an altered version of Inktober! I will do an ink only art pieces during October, but I'm not sure I can do them every day- just because 1. I stink and 2. I'm busy.
So this is Billy Iketani from Beauty Pop! Literally the sass master and one of my favorite characters from BP. He doesn't show up till later, and he's definitely a jerk in the beginning, but his change is so hort (heart) wrenching, you can't NOT love him.
Anyway.
Have a good October, y'all!

VeroniMayeChael

YOUR FACE IS SO FAT

Nervous boy

Here is a fanart I did of Wirt (In my own style) from Over the Garden Wall- AKA the greatest mini-series ever. I can't say he is my favorite character from OTGW because I love all of the characters like they are my children.
I just got the full paperback of the first season in the comic series.

Can we just wait a minute and appreciate Jason Funderberker?

It is more beautiful than I could have imagined. It's drawn by the same guy who did art for the original show, so my worries about the art being disappointing are gone.
Anyway.
Have a Jason Funderberker week.

VeroniMayeChael