And that has been our daily segment on Mandarin's lunch situation. In other news.
Anyway.
It was 'career day' for the tenth graders today, a.k.a "Let us professionalize you before you can drive a car!" And by professionalize I mean like a profession. There wasn't one single booth there dedicated to anything remotely related to what I want to do. I live in an engineering town, so science, physics, mechanics, math, etc. is what is expected of us. Not for me, no thank you. I was a little let down over the fact that I spent an hour of my day listening to my counselor telling me to 'branch out'. But whatever. During one of the lectures me and some friends went to, I saw another friend I hadn't seen in a while walking by. I stopped her, we chatted, and messed around, joking; trying to look like we were 'branching out' when we were really just goofing off. Situations led to situations, and I ended up making another one of my friend's mad because I was messing around. I felt bad at first for interrupting the lecture. Then I felt kind of mad that she was mad at me for something so dumb. Then I panicked.
I generally don't have panic attacks at school. This one wasn't even that bad; it wasn't intense enough that it meant I needed to leave the classroom. My stomach hurt, my breathing was intense, and I was jumpy. All I could feel was responsible in the worst version of the word. It is my responsibility, as a friend, to be patient, to try and help them out, etc. I felt like I was letting her down by not being considerate of her feelings, and by doing that I was letting myself down. I don't have many friends at school. I have a lot of wonderful friends, but very few that I see on a daily basis. If I give that up, what will I have? I felt bad. I'm feeling a lot better now, though. I'm going to talk to her about it later today.
I've continued to spend more time with Bean. She is so surprisingly personality filled and smart. She is actually one of my best friends. Just a lot cuter than most of my friends (I mean that in the best way possible) She keeps me calm when I'm stressing out over homework. She talks to me about school. We both talk about whether or not Bill Cypher is real or not.
M; (groans)
B; What's wrong? Why are you making that sound?
M: I'm just super stressed out with all of this homework that i have to do.
B: Don't worry. You will finish soon, and then we can eat dinner.
M: You're right. Dinner sounds good.
B; Yeah.
Yesterday I was talking to her and telling her how nice and smart she is, etc. etc. I spoil her, etc. and Ilooked her in the eyes and said
I explained to her that it was a figure of speech. We went and watched and episode of Pokemon; Indigo League. Life is good.
You are my rock, readers.
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