Or something poetic like that.

Light creeping down the stairs, like me. Or something poetic like that.

Happy Thanksgiving, all! Sorry I haven't been writing as much lately. Things haven't been busy, so I guess my only excuse is that I was fully enjoying my lack of stuff to do now that the show is over.
So this morning, I woke up (surprise surprise, I know it's a dumb sentence) but no one woke me up. No alarm, or parent, or sibling; it was just me, and the sun in my eye. That almost never happens; especially not after lacking sleep, on a Saturday, or when I'm sick. Hm.
I've been listening to a new podcast: The Orbiting Human Circus (Of The Air), produced by the same people who do Night Vale. I haven't been a super big fan of the past two shows they put out (Within the Wires, and Alice isn't Dead), but I really love this one. It's amazing music (mainly from Julian Koster and The Music Tapes) is INCREDIBLE, and the whole story is endearing and creepy and comforting in this new way. It reminds me of a radio show from the 30s, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, Christmas lights, theater. It has been my podcast to sleep for the past couple nights.
There is something about blogging; do you remember my Thanksgiving post last year? It was just a Polyvore collage saying 'Happy thanksgiving readers!' or something like that. Because I blogged about it, I can remember exactly what I was thinking about then, what my aesthetic was, how I wanted to dress, what I was working on, etc. I feel like I'm reliving it to some extent because I remember it; so none of the ideas are original, they are just being repeated because it feels like that right now. Maybe this is one of the purest forms of nostalgia, or something weepy and poetic like that; the kind of nostalgia you get to re-experience instead of just pine after. Though I think it's always like that around the Holiday's. We get out the same decorations, visit the same family, or don't; but acknowledge that it's happening the same way it does every year. I like it. Each year I'm the same person, but with some additions and subtractions.
It reminds me of something we were talking about in English class; we were focusing on Native American literature, and were reading a contemporary piece by N. Scott Momaday. Our teacher was explaining to us how different people experience/describe time; Momaday calls his version of time 'burrito time'. All of time is in this one burrito; it isn't linear the way most people see it, so we can have experiences with our ancestors who we didn't technically know.
I, of course, had to make a dumb joke about it (How do you know it's burrito time? Because you hear the taco bell) but it did make me think. I suppose I've thought of time linearly, but I like to think of time more in the aspect of personal history. Like jenga blocks. (this will all tie in soon, I promise) each year/milestone adds more blocks/layers. Sometimes things are removed from the tower; relationships,memories, abilities and you have to fill it with something or it will fall over. Like a new memory to make it feel better, or a new person, etc. Everyone's jenga towers are either on top of, combined with, or just existing by everyone else's; family, friends, or strangers. That's where the idea that we are always the same people comes from. I guess.
That got a lot longer than I expected, but you know. It's early in the morning and burrito time.
Happy almost over November, readers!

Sketchbook dump

Traveling Music

My math class has turned into a bit of a time machine. My teacher always plays music in class, and 9/10 it is a song that I remember. Maybe it's not a song that I necessarily like now, but I did know it a while ago, and it was distinct enough to remember. Like 'Postcard' by The Barenaked Ladies, or 'Party in the U.S.A' by Miley Cyrus, or 'You and I' by Ingrid Michaelson (please, I don't understand my geometry teacher's tastes either...) This is traveling music to me; not in the sense of a road trip; but in the way that makes me travel.
'Postcard' takes me back to 2008 or so, when I thought it was the funniest best song ever because it talked about monkeys. Amazon and I would sing it in our shared bedroom quietly because we were embarrassed by our 8/6 year old voices.
'Party in the U.S.A' takes me to when Bean was first born, and she would laugh and giggle whenever it was played. We decided it was her favorite song. I was going through a sign language kick at the time, and learned the whole chorus (which I can still do.)
'You and I' puts me in Illinois again, when I was first developing my own musical tastes. 'You and I' was for my occasional happy moment; when I felt invincible to the corn fields and empty people around me. 'Keep Breathing' and 'The Chain' were more often played and reserved for when the endless Midwestern skies seemed oppressively close.
It reminds me of that one line in 'Stressed Out' (yes, I'm a legit TOP fan, and yes, I still like 'Stressed Out'. Good for freaking you if you don't) "Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young/ How come I'm never able to identify where it's coming from". But in this case, it isn't smells, but sounds. They can directly evoke our life.
I want to talk to people about this, and ask them about what they used to be, or what they remember. There are so many ways that you can learn about a person; I'm a big believer that their music tastes is one way to see into them. Past music tastes can be even stronger.
Anyways.
Have a good Friday. Tell me about where your music takes you
(Jeez this is the most somber and pretentious post I've written in a while. Forgive)

Here is a dumb  photo off of sketchpad. Yep.

Hey Dudes!

I just had to make lil' Soos fanart. We watched the episode 'Blendin's Game', and I was 100% dead because of baby Soos's adorable smolness. Ahhh. CUTE.

November 2

Sitting in the lunch room. Decided to sit alone today. I'm eating cheezits and left-over Halloween candy. Life is good.
And that has been our daily segment on Mandarin's lunch situation. In other news.
Anyway.
It was 'career day' for the tenth graders today, a.k.a "Let us professionalize you before you can drive a car!" And by professionalize I mean like a profession. There wasn't one single booth there dedicated to anything remotely related to what I want to do. I live in an engineering town, so science, physics, mechanics, math, etc. is what is expected of us. Not for me, no thank you. I was a little let down over the fact that I spent an hour of my day listening to my counselor telling me to 'branch out'. But whatever. During one of the lectures me and some friends went to, I saw another friend I hadn't seen in a while walking by. I stopped her, we chatted, and messed around, joking; trying to look like we were 'branching out' when we were really just goofing off. Situations led to situations, and I ended up making another one of my friend's mad because I was messing around. I felt bad at first for interrupting the lecture. Then I felt kind of mad that she was mad at me for something so dumb. Then I panicked.
I generally don't have panic attacks at school. This one wasn't even that bad; it wasn't intense enough that it meant I needed to leave the classroom. My stomach hurt, my breathing was intense, and I was jumpy. All I could feel was responsible in the worst version of the word. It is my responsibility, as a friend, to be patient, to try and help them out, etc. I felt like I was letting her down by not being considerate of her feelings, and by doing that I was letting myself down. I don't have many friends at school. I have a lot of wonderful friends, but very few that I see on a daily basis. If I give that up, what will I have? I felt bad. I'm feeling a lot better now, though. I'm going to talk to her about it later today.
I've continued to spend more time with Bean. She is so surprisingly personality filled and smart. She is actually one of my best friends. Just a lot cuter than most of my friends (I mean that in the best way possible) She keeps me calm when I'm stressing out over homework. She talks to me about school. We both talk about whether or not Bill Cypher is real or not.
M; (groans)
B; What's wrong? Why are you making that sound?
M: I'm just super stressed out with all of this homework that i have to do.
B: Don't worry. You will finish soon, and then we can eat dinner.
M: You're right. Dinner sounds good.
B; Yeah.
Yesterday I was talking to her and telling her how nice and smart she is, etc. etc. I spoil her, etc. and Ilooked her in the eyes and said

And she was like

I explained to her that it was a figure of speech. We went and watched and episode of Pokemon; Indigo League. Life is good.

You are my rock, readers.